I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
