i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize