It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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