Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
