Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
