Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
