Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
