the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
