Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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