Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
