I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize