Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
