he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
