I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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