We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize