somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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