Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
