I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
