I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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