Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
