Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
