You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
