i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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