Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
