I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
