im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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