you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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