Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to sanitize my soul.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
