Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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