Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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