I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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