Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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