Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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