Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
