I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize