well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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