But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
