We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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