I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
