It's like God shit irony all over that family
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
