I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
