Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
