...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
