You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
