I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
