i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
