I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
its liver damage thursday
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
