After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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