Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bring me that man meat
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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