Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
