it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
