I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
