forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
