Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
