I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
