Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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