My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
