I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
