Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize