if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
