so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
