White coat. Heels.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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