I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
