Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I will pee on everything he values.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
