She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize