I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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