Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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