**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
