Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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