Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
