So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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