i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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